Seeing the world through leopard-print glasses
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
At Fucking Target if you can believe it...
The Beauty and Majesty of Human Innovation and Brilliance
Ok, Ok... so Sheena is spoiling the surprise for the select few of you that are getting these as stocking stuffers this year, but I must share with you here today and now what I believe to be the culmination of millenia of human ingenuity and affirm my belief in the forward movement of civilization.
Sprayology Party Relief ingredients include; carbo animalis (activated charcoal) for headache; teraxacum officinale (dandelion plant) for upset stomach and nausea.Carduus marianus (st.mary's thistle) for abuse of alcoholic beverages, especially beer and also helps to protect the liver. Capsicum annum (red or chilly pepper) for the sluggish and feeble digestion. Avena Sativa (oats) for the sluggish and sexual incapacity from excessive alcohol intake.
Drink responsibly - this product does not prevent alcohol intoxication.
Adults of drinking age; take two sprays prior to drinking alcohol beverages, after each hour of drinking and when alcohol consumption has ended.
Sprayology homeopathic sprays are FDA regulated and are made in an FDA approved laboratory
Labels: God Exists
Sheena Supports Her Georgian Friends
Friday, October 26, 2007
A Day In The Life
2:00am. Get back to the hotel after a some rollercoastering at a private party in Orlando and is shocked and awed that the lounge is closed.
2:30am. Alpha Males in the group go up to their suite, order from 24 hour room service. Go back up in 30 minutes and wheel a cart full of burger & fries back to the ground level.
2:30:01. Weird out the Americans by dipping the fries in mayo.
Indeterminate. Upstairs and forget to set alarm clock.
Indeterminate:01. Grab the mini Pringles pack out of the mini bar and not give a shit about the price.
7:20am. Wake up with the TV still on. Holy fuck breakfast starts in 10 minutes.
7:40am. Downstairs with a smile, having pulled hair into ponytail, wiped the makeup smears off with the pillow case, touchup on the deoderant and skip the nylons because no time to open a new pack. Actually bother putting on underwear.
7:45am. Greet Alpha Males with smile. Get a sly look and get complimented on Tiger Team ability. The Alpha Alpha Male was still in the bar when I left so he knows.
8:00 - 11:30. Nod emphatically every time the Alpha Males use my name in vain in front of the room full of people. Look like I'm taking notes.
12:oopm. Give birthday hug and kiss to someone I loved very very much one day and still do just differently now.
12:30. Walk over to the Spa. Order a glass of wine and seared tuna salad.
1:30. Get changed. Sit in the sauna for 10 minutes and wonder why people think it is fun.
1:40. Go outside for a swim. Swim under the fountainy parts and pretend I'm in the ocean during a thunderstorm.
1:45 - 2:30. Think and think and think and think and hit a life changing epiphany moment.
2:30. Dry off and walk back into the spa.
2:35. Order an $18 glass of Champagne with a capital C and ask the waitress for pen and paper.
3:00. Ask her for a few more sheets.
3:30. Lie naked in a warm dark room and have old stuff scrubbed away until everything is new and fresh and ever so slightly raw.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
If Sheena Had Kids
She would get them ready for Halloween by reading Boing Boing
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
No Fly List
Monday, October 15, 2007
Gift With Purchase
So Sheena is out and about on the weekend picking up a few essentials (exactly as depicted) at her neighbourhood purveyor of ladies' foundations and as she walks up to the cash register she is cheerfully advised that she has spent just enough money to be eligible for the free gift du jour.
It's free, the clerk assures your jungle hostess... as the bar-code scans the little box and places it into the bag of goodies.
As I leave the store, take a look at my unexpected windfall. It is a travel mug. Why someone without a car needs a shitty ugly travel mug with the logo from some dirty old undergitch store is beyond me.
FCS. Gimme the cash equivalent you bastard regifters.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sheena's Home Cookin' #14
Ok. As some of Sheena's readers are aware, her fucking cocksucking piece of shit laptop fried itself and she is thus without the utilities to download her pictures to a reliable and regular location so just close your little eyes and imagine the pictures as you read this.
Je present: The Roasted Butternut Squash and Apple Soup. Perhaps the most perfect of the early fall orange coloured meals.
1. Buy one largish Butternut Squash. They are in season now and very cheap, so no excuses. Yes, it should sort of look like Jennifer Lopez from the back.
2. Cut it in half, from top down so you have two even halves.
3. Scoop out the gross goopage. Throw it away or save it for a disgusting prank later that evening.
4. Oil a cookie sheet or pizza pan. Sheena sprinkled a bit of dried rosemary on top of the oil right where the squash halves were going to go.
5. Put the squash halves flat side goopy side down on the pan in the wet spot.
6. Put into a 400ish degree oven, for about an hour.
7. About 1/2 way into the squash roasting, put a couple of apples on the pan. If you think you don't have any apples, check at the back of the bottom of the fridge where the crisper has a crack in it. You probably have some and don't even know it. Don't put them in at the start, because the apples will get way too explody and it is more to clean up later. Unless you are a tenant then don't worry so much.
7.5. Become utterly enchanted by the smell of the sweet roasty squash and apple and wonder how any man could possibly resist such bliss. Think about ways to bottle the aroma and sell it to strippers.
8. Take out the roasted finished product and let cool. When cool, chop into slices like a watermelon - should be squishy. Peel and chop into 1-2 inch cube sizes.
9. Get out a good metal cheese grater. Grate the following: 4 or 5 garlics, a piece of ginger the size of a thumb, one big onion.
10. Put the grated stuff in a big pot with warmed olive oil - a couple of spoonfuls so nothing gets stuck in the bottom of the pan.
11. Sautee until your eyes stop hurting like a son of a bitch from the onions and they are nice and soft and lightly browned.
12. Open up 3 cans of Mr. Gouda no MSG chicken stock (or homemade or other brands, but I hate the salty kinds).
13. Add the cubes of Butternut squash and whatever is left of the exploded apples to the onion mixture in the big pot.
14. Add the chicken stock. Simmer for 30 minutes. Or a bit more. Not the boss of you so relax.
15. Cool the soup mix. When cool puree either in a blender or Cuisinart. Sheena likes her hand blender where you can stick the wildly rotating blades into the pot and squirt the people across the room giving you the evil eye.
16. Rewarm as necessary. Add a pinch of cinnamon. Rip a bit of fresh dill off and garnish.
17. Declare victory in the Butternut Squash Soup smackdown on your favourite internet discussion forum.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
New Art - Possible Purchase...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Sometimes It's Scary When People Can Read Your Thoughts
Timely like you wouldn't believe
From my fave biz blogger.
Tiny Oasis of Civilization
The conveyor belt driven existence of the frequent traveller can be offset by little gems of humanity along the way.
On the last couple of connections through Charlottle NC (Thanks US Scareways for providing inconvenient and luggage losing connections through C-list American cities at low cost and with full Aeroplan Status Miles through the magic of Star Alliance!) Sheena has taken a breather and a sniffer at the Yadkin Valley Wine Boutique. I suspect this little venture was inspired by the lovely Rose City Wine Bar at the Portland Oregon airport.
Had a nice chat with the guy behind the counter, shared stories about obscure emerging wine regions whereby Sheena completely devastated him with her brilliant treatise on the emerging trends in New Mexico wines. Spent $10 on a tasting of four premium wines - 2 Chardonnays and 2 Meritage (Bordeaux style blends à la Murricanese). Sheena is not a big Chardonnay fan, but these were sippable. Maybe a tad heavy on the oak for my liking. North Carolina should not try to be California. One of the reds, to my great surprise, kicked ass. The 2004 Vinter's Signature was a beautiful bricky red colour, just about right for drinking now. Bought a bottle - $30 US which works about to about $16 CDN these days...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
YYZ > CLT > MCO Thoughts
1. If Sheena worked for Nike I would pay $500 cash to every man-boob saggy ass middle aged doofus who was a walking embarrassment to my brand so he could give me heretoforementioned shirt and just walk nekkid.
2. Sheena now refuses to spend any money at any news stand who puts Wired Magazine in the "Men's Interest" section. Fuck off Sexist shitheads.
3. Balance in my life is achieved by levelling off all the nice cool exciting glamour shit with having to listen to Southern Cougars do wine tastings in airports and ask whether it is true that wines called Pinot Grigio have to come from the region named that in France.
4. It is becoming increasingly difficult to tell the diff between little girls dressed up as Disney Barbie Princesses and those undergoing first Communion.
5. When Terminal B smells like urine no matter which way you try to turn your head, it is good to have an Elite card so you can go to the bathroom and not feel like throwing up.
5. I think I saw someone die today on the road to Disney World. The car was on fire upside down and the cops were there but the fire trucks were still en route. Le sigh.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Thanksgiving Weekend in the K-Dub
No. Sheena is not tapping a keg.
No. Sheena is not wearing a feathered cap.
No. Sheena is not a hosenbagen.
No. Sheena is not chanting "Ein Prosit".
No. Sheena is not flouncing ribbons and flowers around the old clock tower.
Sheena has a 6am wakeup call for an 8am limo to Pearson and the turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes will just have to fuck right off for a few more days.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Most Underrated CD on the Shelf at Home...
Holy fucking shit is this really 13 years old? Sheena discovered it maybe 5-6 years ago so seems newer but considering you can buy it for 3 bucks second hand just go do it already.