Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Sheena Hearts Alex (aka Don't Read This if You're Vegan)

Oh my. For about 13 bucks two can hoover up a whole portuguese style roast chicken and big old bucket of vegetable rice and still have enough for your lunch the next day.

After a pint at Sweaty Betty's, up the block to Alex Rei Dos Leitoes, a spectacularly named take-out joint with spectacularly yummy looking grilled animals all crispy and spiced, just waiting to be taken home and appreciated. Did the whole rotisserie chicken tonight, but the suckling pig waiting there oh-so patiently on top of the stove, hoping to find a family to love him spoke to Sheena's soft side. The soft and juicy succulent side. The mushy mashed potato side. The sweet and salty olive and tomato salad side. Next time, baby. Next time.

(I guess we can call this one "After")

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Lost Art of Church Basement Cuisine

When was the last time you ate a pinwheel sandwich?

With tuna and pickles, with egg salad and canned black olives, with cream cheese and maraschino cherries out of a jar. This weekend Sheena learned the fundamentals of a dying art - Catering a Church Lady Tea.

It all starts with the bread. In Winnipeg, sometimes you can buy pinwheel sandwich bread at the grocery store, but to be safe you can pre-order it. Long loaves of white and whole wheat, cut horizonally into long strips. It was up to us to cut off the crusts. No-o-o-o-o-o-body will eat a pinwheel sandwich with crusts. Cripes, where's your head, man.

Now, the first decision is where to put the bread when the resident companion animal decides to jump up and check out the tuna salad. Don't worry. In the Old Country, cat ass hair in the sandwich is considered good luck. First tip of the day is not to waste too much money on the bubbly for mimosas. Second is to use a rolling pin to flatten down the bread (not totally squished) before spreading the filling. Keeps the bread from getting too soggy and makes it nice and springy for later rolling.

Spear of red pepper, pickle {{shudder}} or slice olives end-to-end at the top of the bread, and then roll. Roll it like you mean it. Nice and tight, placing it seam-side down on the plate when it's done. Get a cousin to wrap it up in Saran Wrap. Put 'em all on a big tray when they're done. If there's no room in the fridge, stick 'em in the porch overnight.

When it's time to take them over to the tea the next day, pile them gently into a big bag and put them in the back seat of the truck, taking care not to squish them or sit on them. Take them downstairs to the ping-pong table and gently unwrap them. While still cold, slice them into about 6 pinwheels per roll. Spread them out nice and pretty on a platter on top of a paper doily. Eat the ugly ones. Pick out any cat ass hair that is visible to the naked eye. If the fridge is full again, just stick the platters outside on the patio swing. Cover it up in case the squirrels are out.

When the guest of honour arrives, yell "Surprise". And enjoy.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Shameless Self Promotion - #2 - Canadian Blog Awards FINALS

Her head spinning like a bed after a mickey of Raspberry Sour Pusz, Sheena is pleased as punch to have made it to the finals in the category of "Best Personal Blog". Thank you to her Round 1 supporters, and a hearty: OK, now get off your ass and vote to her lurkers.

Voting is open until Friday Dec 1, so click here and giddyup: Vote SheenaVision Now.

Sheena, you may ask. We all love your stuff, but please, tell us why you deserve our vote. I was hoping to use the all-candidates forum as the venue in which to announce my platform, but apparently CRTC regulations bar the participation of all of the front runners, so I'll have to make do with this.

  • On the Use of Nudity to Attention-Whore One's Blog: Sheena thinks this practice is despicable and shallow, never mind the fact that she is now of an age where the pencil test is now requires overnight cramming. That being said, Sheena does respect the Tits for Hits gambit as an ace up the sleeve, so she is pleased to assure her voters that she will represent these interests fairly: Exhibit A. Sheena also promises to continually make reference to her Sheared Beaver as the temperature dips below zero degrees.
  • On False Self-Modesty and Encouraging Readers to Vote for Others: Nothing is more unpalatable than ungrateful finalists too arrogant to respect the wishes of their supporters. A tired ploy that quite frankly, voters have had enough of. The day that ego and narcissism leaves the blogosphere, we're all lost. In categories where the Canadian public was stupid enough not to Vote Sheenavision, I recommend Uninstalled for Best Biz Blog, Harper Valley for Best Humour Blog, Best New Blog and Best Blog Post Series, The Internationalist for Best Cultural Blog, and a grudging recommendation for Azerbic for best media blog. Yeah, yeah, everybody needs a break now and then, but it's sweeps week for fuck's sakes, lady!
  • On Excessive Use of Pictures to Distract Readers with False Artistic Sophistication: Hiding the fact that one can't spell, one can hold up the blogger version of the shiny object all they like. That being said, Sheena promises in 2007 yet MORE pictures of her shoes, of runny cheeses, skin diseases and foreign beers.

    • On the Spectre of American Infiltration of the Canadian Blog Awards Riding on the Coattails of Health Care Concerns:Protecting the Sanctity of the Emerging Canadian Blog Market is Priority 1 for SheenaVision. While Sheena endeavours to keep a jetsetting, globetrotting perspective on the world, ultimately she is grounded in the issues that face Canadians and strives to communicate this to her readership. Gitch vs. Gotch. Club Beer vs. Standard Lager. Why VQA matters. Sheena does this because she loves Canada. And her loyal readers.

      On violation of PIPEDA legislation: Just because the category is Personal Blog does not mean we need to read what could be the 4 more boring words in the blogosphere - Kiwanis Elementary Music Festival. Sheena promises to you that if she wins in this category never ever shall she ever use the words: pap smear, results, chafing, cute crayon drawings, or pink blouse. You can hold me to that.

      In conclusion, I salute my worthy competitors and offer my support to the other candidates on the SheenaVision slate. Remember: your vote counts. Vote now, and vote often. Sheena knows that you have a choice of blog content providers, and values your business.

      God Bless the SheenaVision Nation.

    Thursday, November 23, 2006

    Barbara Bush's Snatch

    News out of Buenos Aires today that presidential daughter Barbara had her purse stolen this week while dining in the San Telmo district. Sheena visited this lovely little historic and dining area last April and in fact got pigeon-shitted-on at the outdoor cafe pictured here.

    Luckily, no one was injured, including the Secret Service guys guarding her. Not like a gun was stuck in her face or anything. Like one of those violent uncivilized desperate societies you read about.

    Wednesday, November 22, 2006

    John Allan Cameron Kilt by Cancer at Age 67

    Sheena was struck aghast at lunch today scanning through the usual news headlines when she saw this: John Allan Cameron. Dead.

    I grew up with the shadow of John Allan in the house. His family lived near my grandparents' farm in Cape Breton. *THAT* side of the island, where everybody not only knows your name, but like, has it. Where second counsins breed. Where aunties get married and never have to change their name.

    As a little girl Sheena remembers her father in a seething rage shaking his fist at the TV, telling us to turn that guy off. "Why is dad so mad", we'd ask mom later on. And then she'd tell the story.

    The story of two Cape Breton lads. One a farmer and logger. Who went up Cape Mabou to cut hardwood after grade 8. The other one went to school, had talent, and a calling. Both with an eye on the same girl. The farmer was a bit younger, but tall and green eyed and gorgeous. Wavy red hair and a devastating Elvis smile. The farmer had enough of the egg-head encroachment on his territory and did what had to be done. He beat the snot out of the guy.

    The farmer was Sheena's Dad. And the guy on TV was John Allan. Dad won the fight, but could never sit through "Lord of the Dance" ever again.

    R.I.P John Allan Cameron. Never knew you, but you were part of my family. From the unplugged TV to the changed radio station. To the records that only came out at 2am during the kitchen parties transplanted to the Prairies. I still hear the spoons in my head.

    Tuesday, November 21, 2006

    Monster Chiller Horror Tax Cuts

    But what about GST on tampons?

    Sunday, November 19, 2006

    Harper Takes Canada to the International Stage

    CBC Reporting that:
    Prime Minister Stephen Harper had an informal meeting Saturday night with Chinese President Hu Jintao before a banquet at the Asia Pacific Economic Co-operation summit in Hanoi.

    Followers of the Canadian political scene recall that earlier this week, confusion reigned as the two leaders tried to compare calendars. What Globe and Mail described as "the on-again, off-again snub China delivered to Canada this week by cancelling, then apparently uncancelling" the meeting finally went ahead this weekend.

    SheenaVision brings her dear readers an insider scoop. Apparently the confusion started when Harper approached the Chinese protocol officer and requested an audience with the First Minister. The officer nodded and said, "Hu". To which Harper replied "What's on Second".

    A big thanks and I-O-U-1 to Scout at Harper Valley for her gracious pictorial contribution to SheenaVision today.

    Saturday, November 18, 2006

    La Charreada

    Under the lip-crackingly dry Phoenix sunset, Sheena sat wide-eyed at her first exposure to traditional Mexican Rodeo this week. An emphasis on horsemanship, elegance, discipline. What a difference from the violent spittle-flying antics of usual American style rodeo.

    Corona Ranch provides a fascinating show (and kick ass margaritas) introducing vulgarians to the equine ballet known as Cala de Caballo. These guys would put some of the toffee-nosed Dressage twits to shame. Then on to El Paso de la Muerte (The Pass of Death....) - a scary name for a scary event in which the rider jumps from his own horse on to a bareback bronc.

    The finale was the flawlessly performed Escaramuza - the women's precision riding team. Dressed in traditional Mexican flouncy dress RIDING SIDESADDLE no less... these skilled riders looked like the Musical Ride in drag. Mother-daughter teams too... the youngest riders 9 and 10 years old. Amazing confidence on their faces as they exert complete mastery over their 2000 pound mounts.

    Though, Sheena wondered... Isn't it a school night?

    Wednesday, November 15, 2006

    Shameless Self Promotion #1 - Canadian Blog Awards 2006

    Canadian Blog Awards

    Sheena is thrilled and flattered to have been nominated in a couple of categories in the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards hosted over at

    Check out all the Nomination Links Here...

    Vote Here...

    While she encourages all of her valued and loyal readers to "Vote SheenaVision", she also wishes to highlight a few entries that will be receiving her vote:

    Best Conservative Blog: ChuckerCanuck (Go Chucker)
    Best Humour Blog: Harper Valley (Go Scout)
    Best Media Blog: Azerbic (a qualified "Go Mme Z" - Get back to it, woman...)
    Best Business Blog: Uninstalled (Go Michael)

    And of course, moi:
    Best Personal Blog, Best New Blog, Best Blog Entry for Community

    May the best wanker win!

    Monday, November 13, 2006

    Congrats To Ottawa's New Mayor!

    Saturday, November 11, 2006

    The Forgotten

    Waking up from a jetlagged haze, Sheena looked out the window onto Hong Kong Harbour and thought "Holy crap, I'm really here". Took a few minutes of eye rubbing to remember that it was November 11. 2002. It was a Monday, the officially scheduled decompress and time zone adjustment day before work started on Tuesday.

    What to do. Was 9am and it all clicked. Sheena grabbed a map and walked over to the subway. Destination: end of the line. The Chai Wan Stop.

    Got out feeling a bit bewildered in the crowds and bustle. Ran to the taxi stand and pointed again at the map. Time was ticking. Driver looked at Sheena as though perhaps she had two heads, and then giddyupped. Out of the traffic, up the hills. Up the winding and ominously named Cape Collision road, hills full of ancient crypts. When we arrived at the destination, Sheena was nervous but pleased. It was still before 11am.

    The destination was the Sai Wan War Cemetary. Resting place of the Canadian and British soldiers slaughtered on Christmas Day 1941. Outnumbered 10-1 by the Japanese, these rag-tag lads, including Winnipeg Grenadiers, fought an unwinnable battle - undermanned, undersupplied, under prepared. Hung out to dry by King and King, the less deferential of us might speculate.

    Sheena wondered what dignitaries might be there, what kind of pictures she could get of this exotic pomp and circumstance. Would there be media coverage of the Remembrance Day ceremonies? Would she get on Hong Kong TV?

    Tried to open the door to the cemetary information centre. Locked. Went to the gate and looked in. A breathtaking view:

    A breathtaking view of an empty abandoned graveyard. Built into a high hill sloping down towards the azure blue harbour. A rolling mountainside of limestone slabs poking through the lush greenery. And I was the only person there. No ceremony at 11am. No dignitaries. No veterans with brave faces and crumpled berets. Just a 30-something redhead wearing inappropriate shoes climbing up the hill feeling a little lost and lonely.

    A profoundly sad realization that these prairie boy teens and 20-something countrymen had been completely forgotten on their very own day of Rememberance. When the shock and tears passed, I strolled down the hill. Looking at the names, smelling some astoundingly beautiful orchids. Sat and rested, accompanied only by a stray dog who wandered cautiously a few rows behind me.

    Took a picture of my signature as the only name in the unattended yellowing guest book on November 11, 2002. It's packed away in a box somewhere. Probably go look for it later today. So they don't get forgotten yet again on November 11.

    Monday, November 06, 2006

    Corky's vs. Neely's

    Sheena has been spending an inordinate amount of time connecting through the Memphis airport in recent weeks, no thanks to her homies at NWA.

    The one good thing about the Memphis airport is the food. About half a dozen real local BBQ places. So far done Corky's and Jim Neely's Interstate BBQ.

    With only 40 minutes between connections, one has to be quick and strategic with food samples, so I've decided to forego more complicated rib dishes and unoriginal chicken, and focus only on the classic pulled pork sandwich. No fries or sides or other fixin's. Plus, Sheena likes saying "pulled pork". Especially while wearing her sheared beaver.

    So far Neely's comes out on top. Messy with sauce dripping all over, very moist with the right amount of tang. Corky's was pretty dry, just a puddle of sauce on the side and not enough to keep the loaded pork sandwich wet 'n juicy while listening to the asshole from southern Michigan sitting beside me rant about his delayed connections. Time Share Loser.

    Still have to work my way through Huey's and the Back Yard Burgers. Final rankings still pending...

    Sunday, November 05, 2006

    Attention All Men

    Sheena has figured out what you need to buy the woman in your life this coming Christmas. Get thee now to La Vie En Rose and buy the currently 50% off "Dreamy Robe" for the estrogenerator that you hold most dear.

    Was cruising around the mall yesterday getting ready for winter when I accidentally rubbed up against the robe rack and my hands thought they fell into a pool of warm melted butter. Soft and squishy and oh so cuddly. I had to have it. One touch and coos of pleasure will be resounding through your household.

    As much as Sheena enjoys stimulating the retail sector, she does hate Saturday afternoons at the mall. But the cool breezes and morning ice crystals in the air demand the procurement of sensible shoes and warm tights.

    Sheena thinks a new coat is in order. And given her recent smug frame of mind financially, a little indulgence into the world of fur is likely in the cards. Probably sheared beaver. Soft, good range of colours and styles, and well, let's be honest. The ability to say "sheared beaver" on a daily basis with a straight face is something that just can't be passed up.

    Friday, November 03, 2006

    Whinge Globally, Ignore Locally

    Sheena has endeavoured to ignore the current moist and apoplectic sputtering over the impact of the recent income trust legislative changes here in Canada.

    Oh, think of the average investor, down $10s of thousands in a day! Think of the boomer near retirement! Equity disappearing overnight!

    Sheena got rid of her car this year. Sheena recently inherited at 250 km daily commute. Sheena did the math. Between new car payments, several fillups per month, cost of parking downtown, insurance, winter tires, general upkeep, and so on and so forth and more of the same realized this could cost upwards of $1200 real cash money, should she choose the path of least resistance. That's a significant cut into the champagne and highlights budget. That translates into the equivalent of a $20+ K drop in income in year 1. Then she happened to glance over at Greyhound's commuter service. $24 bucks a day return? Sold.

    When does one "have" to drive? When does one "have" to follow the crowd financially? I say this as one who cannot tolerate dinner with Kyoto lefties who admit they can't survive the summer without their Central Air. It bugs Sheena's ass when people get their panties in a twist over macro economic policy that they have zero control over, yet ignore the basic fundamentals of their own household fiscal stability.

    Plus, now I get to have after-work cocktails at the coolest little dives. Glass of shit jug wine and a bag of chips - Five bucks even.

    Yeah yeah, What a dog I am. A bitch even. At least I'm in good company these days.

    Wednesday, November 01, 2006

    Unfortunately Named Professionals

    No.. not her. THIS guy...

    Conservative columnist Ann Coulter has refused to cooperate in an investigation into whether she voted in the wrong precinct, so the case will probably be turned over to prosecutors, Palm Beach County's elections chief said Wednesday.

    Elections Supervisor Arthur Anderson said his office has been looking into the matter for nearly nine months, and he would turn over the case to the state attorney's office by Friday