Newbies

A few times a week Sheena takes the commuter bus service to and fro. Usually it is the same crowd. Some die hard daily recognize that you recognize. At some point the pressure to smile and acknowledge and nod politely kicks in. The Please God Please God don't actually try to make conversation or share a seat line in the sand etched across my face.

Then a faceless crowd of interchangeable archetypes: the bed head teenager, the DJ wanna be exchange student, the aging TA not yet getting considered for tenure track associate jobs, the speak no english relatives from the old country on their very last leg of travel.

And then on days like today, you get the deer in the headlights newbie. The guy who thinks taking a bus is beneath him, yet somehow circumstances have collided on this fine summer morning and bob's your uncle, he's among the unwashed that he fears.

Confusion over what part of the ticket to present. Utter bewilderment as to how to pick just the right aisle seat. Since the windows are long gone. And looking back ten times with a grimacing look at the driver who is still taking tickets is somehow not making people disappear in accordance with his desires.

Sit the fuck down you idiot.

Up again to put his briefcase up top. Sits.
Oh. He has a new model Blackberry. Better stand up to make sure the hot chick two rows behind notices me.
Up again to carefully fold the suit jacket and put it up top with the briefcase.
Where the fuck is the attendant to hang it up and take my drink order.

He probably showed up to his meeting sweaty and crumpled. Because the bus will do that to a guy.