Sunday, April 29, 2007

If My Feet Stink it's Because I Kick Ass

Looking down at my hardened, pale Canadian winter feet this weekend and realized that something needed to be done. You see, Dear Reader, Sheena hops off to a Jamaican getaway on Wednesday and her Southern Bell travel companion is distinctly more high maintenance than I am. Yes, you heard right. I am not high maintenance.

This became crashingly clear when El Chaperone had to vaccuum up a trail of dried out skin flakes after my walk down the dark carpeted hallway.

My feet have often been a source of issues. Almost cutting off my big toe at age 7 by stepping on a broken beer bottle at the beach, passing out from blood loss, breaking the stitches the next day trying to go to the bathroom by myself, and living since that day with an ugly nubbly easily calloused scar. Never being able to get the hang of wearing socks. Not giving a shit about the risks of running barefoot day and night outside down back lanes and gravel parking lots and playing hide and seek at the plastic factory down the street that burnt down. Barefoot.

Didn't have my first pedicure until my 30s. Some years I keep it up - go every few weeks, touch it up at home. Other years - like the last one - I have just ignored my tootsies and avoided sandals.

This week I felt peer pressure to have nice toes and clean smooth heels. So I went to see the girl who rents a room in the basement of my hairdresser.

The soaking felt great. Trimming and cuticle poking made me feel girlie. And then she looked at the underside of my feet. Flipped them around with strong wristed authority.

"Your feet look tired", she concluded. I was a bit miffed. Who was she to judge. Bitch. But then she continued to buff and polish and slather and massage as though dispelling the tiredness was her own personal mission. She gave me shit about the dryness ("Look at this - I put on the heavy duty scream and [then she made a slurping sound] it's all sucked in!") and did my shoes fit properly and I felt guilted into a $12.50 additional purchase for a giant emery board to keep working on the worst spots when I got home this week. She seemed to love my feet more than I did and I wondered if that needed to change.

The colour I picked out was even prettier on me than in the bottle, a deep peaceful rose that made me smile. (Not giant yellow gitch magnitude of smile, but still pretty good).

El Chaperone loved it and offered to give me a foot massage if it would help keep it pretty. Maybe this will be one of those keep it up years.

The mirror never lies.


At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

now you can come visit Sheena. no more "pick, pick, pick" and the mounds of dead skin.

At 9:46 AM, Anonymous sooey said...

I like that your feet make me feel really good about, well, EVERYTHING! Do more personal failings posts!

At 9:55 AM, Blogger Sheena said...

I think when I'm in Winnipeg later this spring I'm going to do one of those knife pedicures. If they're still legal. They're not in Ontario. It was the best one ever.

At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Sharktooth said...

Is "freshen up" like when you take this big long scary knife and thrust it into somebody's back and then twist and turn slowly?

I have no idea what goes on in these "salons". And maybe that's a good thing. I used to think a peticure involved going to the vet.

At 11:06 AM, Blogger whitenoise said...

If you want to see skin particles- poke your head in the flightdeck sometime before or after the flight. They seldom clean those places and the constant dry air exacerbates the problem.

The moisturized, skin-creamed F/As are aghast, but if I see a man using skin products, I always wonder if he's gay. (It just ain't kosher...)

At 11:35 AM, Blogger CheekierMeSly said...

Praise mercy I'm thankful the scary nightmare has ended! I'd long wanted to suggest an intervention and get you in to a toe/heel/foot abuse program, but I'm glad you've seen the light. Atlanta hasn't outlawed the pedis with blade shavers for the callus spots yet. I go about every 6 weeks - sadly, the Irish blinged toes are no more.

At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sheena - when you come to Winnipeg we can go get our feet knifed. Too bad we won't have time prior to our night with Harlequin though.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

No kidding. I am so excited I keep having to pee every five minutes since I found out we're on the guest list.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger whitenoise said...

Harlequin, as in:
One dime is all is all it cost me, and I found out for sure, you know, that you double-crossed me
Just how much can I endure?


yeah, baby.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

Oh Whitenoise, you have no idea what this means to us.

At 2:18 PM, Blogger whitenoise said...

I'm getting the vibe. ;-)

I remember a couple of their hits, especially Innocence, which I frequently include on my mix CDs.

I had no idea that they were from YWG.

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

Harlequin would not be Harlequin if they were from any other city.

They are the quintessential Trashcona bar band who made good. Remind me to tell the story about how I got ejected from Winnipeg Arena during a pre-Grey Cup Harlequin concert by an ex Jet who I hate to this day.

At 4:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Upcoming Events

92 CITI FM presents the "Waking The Jester CD Release Party / concert with "Harlequin" Friday June 1st at Silverados
Location: Silverados (2100 McPhillips at Jefferson Ave)
Date: Jun. 01, 2007
92 CITI FM is proud to bring you Recording Artists…

Friday June 1, 2007

Harlequins new CD "Waking The Jester" will be on sale at the show.

Contact: Jay Pauley (VP of Nightclubs & Entertainment Technologies)

email: Click Here

Advance tickets are only $10.00 (plus tax) and available now at the front desk of the Canad Inns - Garden City or charge-by-phone at 694-SHOW (7469).

Doors open at 5pm

At 11:57 AM, Blogger whitenoise said...

Okay, I'm reminding you. Go ahead, tell the story. ;-)

At 2:22 PM, Blogger Leatherhands said...

Harlequin was a great band. "Love Crimes" is a great work of classic Canadiana. I was all excited about the comments on this blog about a new record, but I went to the website and found out the only original member is the lead singer. He sounds great, and the new material rocks, but it's not REALLY Harlequin, is it?

At 11:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I learn from reading this Blog Sheena! Tonight I went for beers with a friend who is an ex-pat 'Pegger. When I mentioned "Trashcona" he was very impressed with my knowledge of the greater Wpg area.

Reg Info

At 2:56 PM, Anonymous A said...

Yeesh. Harlequin. No offense, but they're not one of the Peg's finest exports. Even if they are the quintessential hard-rockin', mullet-headed Winnipeg bar band. But it's hard to go wrong with a $10 concert.

If you're looking for something to do after the show, Mise (in the former Gotham Cafe spot at Confusion Corner) is now open until 4AM on weekends with a new late-night menu. And they have many fine drinks available 'til 2.

At 10:25 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

I hear you, A.
I'd have to agree that Winnipeg's finest export was not so much Harlequin, and maybe more Sheena.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

Yay Reg! Glad to help interpret local lingo for you. Next time ask him about West K, East K, North K and why Daniel Mac and Miles Mac will never give KE the time of day.


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