God's State of the Union Address, as delivered to Springfield-Shelbyville Joint Chamber of Commerce

God: Mr. Speaker, Vice-Goddess Sheena, members having Congress, The Supremes, distinguished guests, and fellow deities, Thor, Zeus and Kwa-Kwakalanooksiwae. Oh yeah, and Joanne.

Well, boys ... I haven't a thing to say.

Played a great game down here on earth the last few thousand years...all of you. Great game.

Had some good years, some bad years. Figured you guys were smart enough to figure out the play book.

I guess we just can't expect to win ‘em all. Lots of trouble brewing down here, and nobody seems to see how good you guys got it, especially compared to those socially awkward self-replicating ribozymes over on Io. Fuck they're needy.

(God pauses and says quietly.)

I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years...

None of you ever knew George Gipp.

It was long before your time. Around the time that my buddy Cro Magnon was the big man on campus. You wouldn't remember.

But you know what a tradition he is the Milky Way...

(There is gentle, faraway look in his eyes as he recalls the boy's words.)

And the last thing he said to me -- "God," he said - "sometime, when the Earth is up against it -- and all the bombing and thieving and disrespect for a fellow life and resource squandering is catching up to the boys -- tell them to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper...

(God's eyes become misty and his voice is unsteady as he finishes.)

I don't know where I'll be then, God", he said - "but I'll know about it - and I'll be happy."