Crime Beat Report:

Supermodel Naomi Campbell Risks Career Over Winnipeg Dorks:

"You f------ b----!" the cantankerous catwalker shrieked yesterday inside her Park Ave. penthouse apartment, accusing her maid, Ana Scolavino, of stealing a pair of $200 Chip & Pepper jeans, sources said.

Like one of those dreams where you think you're back in high school sweating over a math exam not studied for, the name Chip & Pepper rushes back into Sheena's consciousness after a merciful decade-long respite.

These frost 'n tipped Winnipeggers have been able to re-invent themselves in the high-end jean department after a nasty crash 'n burn bankruptcy and legal battle over "the brand" back in the early '90s.

Flashback 1987: Chip 'n Pepper riding high with their flourescent faux tie-dye Grand Beach wear, dressing high school student council nerds from St. James to Trashcona. Blonde big shots throwing out free drinks to hot chicks at the Rory Street Marble Club. Sheena and her sidekick The Beast ingratiate themselves with the clones and find themselves cruising up Portage Avenue with the pair, not having any idea which was which.

High point of the night? Lighting up a few of the roman candles the Fosters handily had stashed in the back seat and chucking them out the car window.

Naomi! Give your head a shake!
Supermodels should never go to jail over Canadian jeans. Or Winnipeggers dressed up like beach bums.

The Fosters may be dorks, but they ain't dumb. PR like this just can't be bought.

Or can it?