Thursday, December 07, 2006

All My 2000 Parts

Lately Sheena has been paying an inordinate amount of attention to body parts being used for purposes unintended by the good all knowing not-Allah God or whatever the New Government of Canada (TM) is saying these days.

I've had a long running joke with long-time reader and DNA associate Pat McKittie over her broken finger dilemma. "Now I'm fucked", she says. "Why", asks Sheena. "Because when I tried to spike the ball down that bitch's throat, I think I sprained my driving finger". Ah ha. Broken finger=inability to express one's innate emasculation over lack of lane-changing ability. Got it.

Then lunch with a mafioso princess pal. She's trying to describe the secrets to real Italian home made sauce. She admits to not fully understanding her mother's weights & measures. She talks about recipes measured by gut and feel. "Ahh...", Sheena says... "So she cooks by experience". "Yes," says the MPP. "So, she preps with her cooking eye", Sheena retorts. Freezing look of "you know too much" immediately directed my way.

Tonight was El Chaperone's office not-"Christmas per-se" office Get Together evening. If Sheena could change one thing in her man, it would be the fact that he is unable to distinguish his talkin' arm from his drinkin' hand. I am sure you can all see where this ends up. But as Karl Lagerfeld would say "Fuck off with pockets, keep your hands in plain view because it ruins the the silhouette and don't point with your pint glass".

Signing off,
Your friend Sheena, wet and hoppy.
Looking for dry cleaning chits and only finding gesticulating shits.


At 11:43 AM, Anonymous sooey said...

i actually overheard - and this is a true story, not like the untrue stories i usually post - a young woman saying to another young woman the other day - "don't worry. i'm gonna change him". she was planning her wedding, too. i was gonna throw my slurpee in her face to give her a head's up, but i was too thirsty.

At 1:51 AM, Anonymous marshall mcclueless said...

If Jesus was a waiter... I would only order water.

At 1:55 AM, Anonymous marshall mcclueless said...

You know instead of wine, Jesus should have changed the water into slurpee.
Now in 1st century Israel with no refrigeration... that would have been a real miracle, yummmmmm fuk.

Allah Snack Bar

At 9:19 AM, Anonymous sooey said...

heheh - maybe he knew they'd just taunt the palestinians with them later, marshall.

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Sheena said...

You guys must be closeted Manitobans.

At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you know that there is actually some southern American coming to Winnipeg to do a documentary why it is the Slurpee capital of the world 7 years running!

At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Slurpee Documentary Seeks SubjectsI am a documentary filmmaker seeking subjects for a short documentary film to be shot in mid/late December 2006 in Winnipeg, Manitoba....the Slurpee Capital ... - Similar pages

At 12:05 AM, Anonymous sooey said...

i was lying. i've never even SEEN a slurpee, let alone drunk one. i don't know why i make things up and post them on the internet.

At 4:35 PM, Blogger Crazylegs said...

Aren't 'slurpees' those guys who carry stuff up mountains for rich tourists? Or have I been been drinking way too much this afternoon?


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