Friday, October 13, 2006

Sheena's Travel Tips - #5


Don't go to Orlando.

Sheena confesses to finding "communities" that are economically dependent on the industry of fake experience to be depressing and disturbing. Las Vegas falls into this category too.

The one bright spot today was a lovely lady at the United Red Carpet lounge at MCO who listened patiently to my sob story about being forced to fly increasingly low-rent US Scareways against my will, and finding out that they had no VIP Club in the terminal. The surly and unhelpful desk agent said it had been wiped out in the hurricane a couple of years back. The prospect of spending 3 hours in the midst of pink frothy Jon Benet princesses and baby strollers and sports-team-logo-laden bubbas nearly pushed Sheena over the edge.

Until she remembered one day that she had a fairy god mother grant her one wish. So she closed her eyes tightly, pulled out her passport and little orange and blue card and wished with all her might on the Star of Alliance.

And the magic doors opened as if by the hand of God. And shitty Fetzer Pinot Grigio began to flow, among stacks of pretzel packs big enough to choke a president, the free wireless destroying my brain cells and the gentle hum of CNN white noise soothing the savage soul within.

4 Comments:

At 10:17 AM, Blogger Crazylegs said...

Further to the previous post's comments; I love Orlando exactly because it is such a sadly-drawn artifical construct. I love the fact that the minute I hit the MCO monorail from Arrivals into the main terminal, I'm living a lie of suspended disbelief with everyone within a 100-mile radius.

Now pass me the Soma!

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

You're priceless. I loves ya.

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger Jason Bo Green said...

PS Did you see that Joanne did not fail to remember to tag you on the six word news story bit?

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger Chuckercanuck said...

for the record sheena, I don't tag. I'm the end of the road in the tagging world. my 4 year old tags. I don't.

otherwise, you should consider yourself forever tagged.

 

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