Saturday, December 13, 2008

Theory of the Carbon Cuntprint

Sheena has had the phrase "carbon cuntprint" in her head for a few weeks, having first seen it in writing by online adversary and in-person drinking buddy K.

Sheena's definition of the carbon cuntprint: the difference between what someone SAYS they do to be green and what that person actually DOES to be green.

Back in November, I booked a side trip from a work thing in Orlando up to Atlanta for a wonderful weekend of Cheeky goodness

For reasons of cost, airline points whoredom, and desire to keep work and personal expenses separate, I scheduled the travel as an in out through Orlando on my dime, keeping the non-personal ticket untouched.

I just did the math over here: Carbon Footprint Calculator . By doing what I did, I incurred an extra C02 load of .13 tonnes. So my desire to maximize Star Alliance points, and not go through the extra paper work of separating the personal flight change from my non-personal expenses resulted in a 21% higher carbon output than if I would have taken the effort to just do the extra paperwork and figgering. So this is how I now calculate the carbon cuntprint. For that weekend it was .13 tonnes.

Sheena shouts out to all the greenish-yapper hypocrites out self aware. You can put a number to your BS now. What IS your carbon cuntprint?


At 8:40 PM, Anonymous sooey said...

There's something "ew" about men who use the "c" word. But you're a working stiff. I think Al Gore should be the standard for the Carbon Cuntprint.

At 11:01 AM, Anonymous jason bo green said...

There's nothing wrong with men saying "cunt", it's no different from saying "cock" or "knuckle" or "knee". Cunts are bodyparts, too - why hide them? Cunt is only a bad word if people say it's a bad word.

Your footprint is 2.47 tonnes per year
The average footprint for people in Canada is 20.00 tonnes
The average for the industrial nations is about 11 tonnes
The average worldwide carbon footprint is about 4 tonnes
The worldwide target to combat climate change is 2 tonnes

However, I've recently decided that since I don't eat meat and the meat industry produces more CO2 than cars and planes combined, it's okay to fly - so expect that to raise unexpectedly in the future.

Also, I use Bullfrog Power so the tonnes allotted for hydro is all wrong.

Also, I gave $1000 to help abused women in Pakistan, so I can say cunty CUNTINA VAN CUNTER CUNT and it's okay.

Also, how the hell are we supposed to be "food that is in season" in Canada in these winter months??

However, I'm a guilty person in many respects -- I take overly long showers and I put poison down for the rats instead of just getting a cat, and I have certainly been known to buy broccoli on a pointless styrofoam plate with saran wrap, etc. I have things to improve on. But I also have flights to book!!!

At 11:18 AM, Anonymous sooey said...

Excuse me, but when I say "there's something 'ew' about men who use the 'c' word" - that's what I mean, jason "EW!" bo green.

At 12:33 PM, Anonymous jason bo green said...

Oh, I knew what you meant - I just don't see what's wrong with the word cunt. If we called it a spoon and ate cereal with cunts, would spoon be a bad word?

It's only bad if we agree it's bad. I think vaginas are normal and just fine, and if it's okay to say "asshole" it's okay to say "cunt". Cunt, cunt, cunt.

But you're excused, no worries.

At 2:46 PM, Anonymous Fenderbender said...

zencunt, does that work for you?

At 5:14 PM, Anonymous sooey said...

I didn't say there was anything wrong with the word "cunt". I said there's something "ew" about MEN who use it.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

Al Gore is absolutely the king of the carbon cuntprint.

At 6:02 PM, Anonymous sooey said...

Yeah. And when he goes around the world, he goes AROUND the world.

Okay. That was mean.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger CheekierMeSly said...

I'm with Jason on this one. There's nothing wrong with the word. It's wrong when people use it to mean something other than the glorious thing that it is.

I feel the same way about the word "pussy". I'll never forget when a work colleague, whilst at a friend's baby shower cookout (note, Sheena, not a BBQ, as that's what you EAT), drug his kid by the arm to join the other kids for movie time upstairs. In front of three dozen adults, this jerk says to his son "Come on, don't be a pussy." What a crap dad.

"Cuntina Van Cunter Cunt". Jason, thanks for the chortle!

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

Sigh. Cunt is the new bitch. Yeah, got it.

But I am more interested right now in creating quantifiable metrics for hypocritical douchebaggery. Focus, people. Focus. FCS.

At 10:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe we should all just stop breathing for a few minutes on a given know, we exhale carbon so this may be a .....oh never mind.

famous stupid people is ON at HV!!!!

At 12:27 AM, Blogger Bo Green said...

You are correct, we did not talk about you and that was bad manners in the extreme to a fantastic host.

How did you feel about this .13 ton increase? Will this change the way you book flights? Now that I'm flying again, I guess I should learn more about doing it a more responsible way.

I trust your flight was comfortable!

At 12:28 AM, Blogger Bo Green said...

Well I guess it's just a different perspective... to me, if there's nothing wrong with the word "cunt" (and I don't believe there is), then it doesn't matter who uses it.

I allow myself to say "faggot", so it's okay for others to use it. To me, it's all about the context the word is used in -- I don't really care about the speakers' demographics. I treat everyone the same.

At 12:33 AM, Blogger Bo Green said...

And speaking of focus -- what about eating this "in season" produce? Am I a hypocritical douchebag as outlined above if I bought two Mexican avocadoes and two mangoes and Costa Rican bananas on Thursday...? Because I did....

: (

I couldn't help it...

What do other people eat? I do buy Ontario apples and carrots and parsnips, etc. Where do these come from in the winter? That's what I alway wonder.

At 7:03 AM, Blogger Sheena said...

You're only a hypocritical douchebag if you tell other people you only eat local, Jason.

At 4:27 PM, Anonymous jason bo green said...

Whew, I've never given that advice.... YET! But there's still time to become a total Queen West hipster fraud yet!

I do use local eateries, however. M&B Yummy Vegetarian Ethiopian is a favourite....

At 7:42 PM, Blogger CheekierMeSly said...

I am going to wantonly expand my carbon cunt print over the holidays in order to bake, vacuum seal, and send a care package to a certain recently deployed Army man. And I don't want to hear a single bitch about it!


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