Maxed Out
Sheena has not owned a car since Spring 2006 and is quite pleased to continue in this current state of affairs. She rents, at least once a month, for both work and pleasure, usually from Avis, where they love her and kiss her pretty little feet every time she traipses down the jetway, with the privilege to skip the lineups intended for the unwashed and with frequent unrequested upgrades to lure her into the kind of longterm exclusive commitment she has yet to bestow on any man.
This weekend, however, they overstepped. A simple request for a utility vehicle for a weekend of hauling and carrying and loading of all and sundry awkward and often dirty bulky things turned into a jaw dropping string of expletives as she saw her name card attached to this monstrosity
The Ford Expedition "MAX":
Fuel Tank Capacity (L) 106L
CO2 EMISSIONS
Expedition XLT
No data available at the moment.
FUEL CONSUMPTION
Expedition XLT
No data available at the moment.
I drove around ashamed all weekend. Sitting alone in a house when pulled up beside a Smart Car. Able to crush the Vespa with one ill timed door open.
After using 2/3rds of a tank, and watching the gas pump hit the $80 mark and still keep flowing, suddenly the smell of gas turned to the stench of death and I imagined the dozens of litres of blood I had just consumed and Sheena felt sick.
posted by Sheena @ 2:44 PM
31 comments
31 Comments:
Kinda know how you feel ...
Ok, some people need an SUV for work or family capacity, but often it is a wasteful attempt at conspicuous opulence, or a penal-substute.
Penal-substitute. Is that a word?
Well , it is now ...
While I wasn't embarrassed by driving my ex's SUV because it was an SUV, I was embarrassed because it was a Nissan.
I guess I'm just a home-grown patriotic kinda guy...
Sure, foreign makes have token plants here, but their cheaper labour sources and prices are putting American auto companies into a tailspin.
It can be validly argued, that in the Eighties, foreign quality and standards caused the US companies to get their shit together, but the level of quality today, is close to par.
At least your truck was a Ford.
I drive a mid-sized Dodge, and will continue to buy American and Canadian.
Nationalism does not trump inefficiency and wasteful disconnect from market needs.
Your comment smacks of protectionism not rational use of limited resources.
Here we part company, Midnight.
Yeah, Asian and Chinese, relative slave labour.
Now THERE's the stench of death, and litres of blood, for ya...
And while you probably meant "penile" ... "penal-substitute" is an amusing freudian slip for those who are imprisoned by the pretty metal and wooden boxes in which many suburbanites invest their hard earned dollars.
If you re-read my comment, I'll see that I drive a mid-size, and don't or won't ever need an SUV.
Should read :
'If you'll re-read my comment, you'll see that I drive a mid-size (car), and don't and won't ever need an SUV.'
Hope you had an otherwise great week-end.
And my, you're in a fine jousting spirit.
Cheers, Sheena.
Midnight
How the hell did we have bigger families in the 1950s and no SUVs or minivans?
True, cars were bigger then. Much bigger even. But they weren't bloody trucks.
I used to think the Cadillac Escalade -- I call it Esplanade -- was big. The other day, I saw something bigger parked in front of it. It was a Buick Enclave, a luxury SUV big enough to house a family of six.
I don't geddit, Zed.
When did people at some point in this generation become so squirrely over personal space?
Delta 88's ...
47 feet, stem to stern...
Remember hopping into one, in the Seventies, after work (part-time, on the freight docks) while in high school), and this Newfie Gentleman had a garbage can (the tall, thin kind) lined with a triple garbage bag, sitting on the floor behind the front seats and the back seats.
Have loved Newfies ever since.
Actually, my first real (sex) girlfriend was from Cornerbrook...
Ooops, the garbage can was full of beer and ice, of course...
Didn't want you to think I was/am easily impressed...
Once a girl's acquired the taste for seal flipper pie they never go back.
oh.
what did the seal pup say when he walked into the bar?
"Anything but a Canadian Club".
You're fuckin' hilarious, Sheena.
Good thing Old Squid isn't reading this... he'd be milking the ice...
Btw, you gonna answer the multiple-choice?
And is that a lake near Waterloo, in the SUV picture?
Nice mountainous horizon...
Or are those, cod-fillets, hangin' and drying, in the Sun, in the bottom-right corner, behind the bumper?
OMG sis - that joke made me spray club soda thru my nose. The bits of lemon especially sting.
Well the only thing I can saw for your gas whorism is that at least it was a Ford.
And Btw, Sheena, shouldn't that be 'Zee', not 'Zed'?
Antonia 'Zed', just doesn't have the same SIZZLE,
as Antonia ZEE .......
Yipe! That thing looks more suited for an expedition to the South Pole than a weekend of hauling stuff.
I was going to say North Pole but I don't think that tank is that amphibious. ;)
The last time I rented, the last vehicle available was a Buick Rendevous. Gas was a superhigh $1.139 then. I don't like SUVs. It worked out better with something than nothing, but I was *this* close to taking nothing over that Buick.
If we all drove 88's ,
or Eldorados , we couldn't help
but be so much cooler ...
(See Sheena's video collection , specifically 'The Cardigans' video, 'My Favourite Game, in the Sheenavision You-Tube section, of your Sheenavision Chanel.).
Midnight
Now THERE's , a Freudian slip ,
I can live with .
A Zen master (can't presently remember who), once wrote :
'It is amazing , what you can get ,
out of Life ,
if you simply , ask for it .'
I too Sheena am one of Avis' most cherished clients. I too get awarded upgrades that increase my fuel bill on my last stop before dropping the beast off.
But minivans? ahhh... now there's paradise on wheels.
I swear by my Toyota Echo; best car I've ever had and I will drive it into the ground. Holds both my kids in the back, and has a decent sized trunk. Runs on the smell of an oil rag. (Anyone remember that old radio ad?)
the irony had they presented you with the keys of a Hummer (not those new ones built on a VW Micro Bus platform) but the version 1
That's one Sexy Uteral Vehicle .. but a 110 lb. chick all by herself in a 5000 lb yank tank ...wellll ...!!!???
Be careful what you wish for , Anon .
She's FIERY , and FEISTY .
Tell ya what, I know a way to make it all right.... I gots a shiny red sport bike that gets 53.55mpg (US gal) - the next time yer in Ottawa we'll go riding in the open air on a bright sunny day, we'll look cool (well, actually you already look cool but I don't mind looking cool by association, come to think of it that's about the only way I can look cool).... and you can pay for the gas.. no ... really ... don't thank me... it's the very least I can do :-)
The things we do ... to conjure , Sheena ...
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose .
--- Anne Bronte
A Fiery clash
A Lightning exchange
Metal on Metal .
Thank you , Sheena .
Midnight Tango
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