Sunday, October 12, 2008

No Guts... No Glory

In honour of Sheena's Ma, please find enclosed the official Thanksgiving Stuffing Recipe of the Innerdnets - 2008 Edition.

Take whatever week old bread, buns, bagels are in the fridge put in a big pile to check for green spots. If you find any, cut them off. Estimate 6-8 slices for a large chicken. Bagels count for 2, just like in carbs.

Sheena prefers to grate her bread to make big, unevenly shaped crumbs. Better for texture and interest. Nutty fruity breads are a huge bonus, btw.

Comme ca.

Take a break to smell the flowers. Fixin up the centrepiece...


OK. Now here's the real trick. You gotta have the bird guts. Stuffing without the guts is lame and boring and completely unauthentic. Plus checking for the guts will save you the extreme embarrassment of a guest unwrapping what they think is a chi-chi parchment dish with the holiday dinner.


Sheena exclaimed with joy that she had the extra special 2-hearted Love Chicken for her dinner.



Chop it all up. Except throw away the neck and gizzard. They are useless and gross. Or feed them to someone else's cat. The heart and liver are prized items here for flavour and texture.



Check the bottom of the fridge for whatever random vegetables you can chop up and throw in. Leave Stephen Hawking alone, Sooey.

Chop.

Cut up about 6 strips of bacon in super small bits. Fry bacon, guts, a medium onion and random veggies in olive oil in half decent pan until soft.

Add diced soft brown uneatable fruit too. Apples and pears the best.



OMG is it noon already!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!



Fresh herbs means you always win at family dinners. Make the effort to only use your own hand picked bouquet garnie and use a matte eyeshadow with extra smudgy liner to ensure superiority cut eye around other women today.



Sage, thyme and lavender are picks du jour. Walk around smelling your fingers for a bit while pouring glass #3.

Slightly beat one egg and have ready to pour into the bread & herb mix... this holds it together loafy style for later when you try to cut the stuffing.

Sheena likes a bit of crunch in her stuffing as do many others. So grab a handful of nuts. Watch his face to see if you grabbed too hard. If not, run upstairs for a quickie. If yes, continue to next step.

Chop up the nuts and chuck them in the fry pan with onions & bacon and shit. THE ALMONDS FCS. NOT HIS. (unless he failed to deliver the goods in previous.. then carry on)

Have a quarter cup of chicken or beef stock on hand. Today I really didn't need it, but if the mix isn't moist enough to make the bread ever so slightly pasty feeling, sprinkle a bit.


Once all fried to hell, pour into the bread & herb mix. BUT COOL THE FRIED MIXTURE FIRST OTHERWISE YOU WILL SCRAMBLE THE AFOREMENTIONED EGG ALREADY IN BREAD AND HERB BOWL AND IT WILL BE SHITTY.

Open wide baby, this won't hurt a bit. Actually you really can only use your hands. Pack it in. Deep and hard.


The bacon grease already in there should be all the lube necess.


Bake according to weight and crispiness preference. This baby later got a coating of olive oil, garlic salt, rosemary, lime juice and pepper. I can smell it now...

8 Comments:

At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Ou8 said...

Ha ha! You said "uneatable"!

 
At 7:10 PM, Blogger The Imp ;-) said...

happy turkey weekend sheena...

 
At 8:16 PM, Anonymous spy said...

I am always impressed with your cooking know-how, Sheena. But the hearts? I would not dare to use those. Ick! I'm squeamish

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger Romantic Heretic said...

Sounds delicious.

Wondering about the quickie in the middle of frying though. I hope the batteries in your fire alarms are fresh.

Also, remember to clean the baster.

 
At 10:07 AM, Blogger petite gourmand said...

sounds gooood-
I cheated and got a pre-stuffed Cumbraes Turkey breast this year.
not my normal style, but it was really good.

I did however make a homemade squash, apple & bean soup which was really good.
and a homemade cranberry sauce with orange zest and grand marnier and cinnamon- yum.
big daddy whipped up some shredded brussels with Niagara Pancetta and garlic.
fantastic.
it's the only way I like my brussel sprouts.

lots of left overs for today.

 
At 3:54 AM, Blogger Ashley_Wilkes-Booth said...

I was accosted by a drunk at the Dufferin Gate during my pumpkin pie. Your thing sounds way better.

 
At 7:31 PM, Anonymous sooey said...

I'm coming to your place next Thanksgiving, Sheena. My kids are, too.

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger raymi lauren said...

oh jesus

 

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