Monday, May 29, 2006

Sheena's Travel Tip #2:

Stop and smell the roses and don't be an asshole.

For short haul trips between Ottawa & Toronto, Sheena often prefers to ride the rails in the comfort of Via One rather than spending the same four hours at double the price standing in a security lineup at the airport. I feel strongly that responsible corporate citizens must strive to spread the burden of particular consumption habits equally between Via 1 and Maple Leaf Lounges.

So when a good bud who was down in Toronto on business over the weekend had to drive back early from TO, I cancelled the train ticket and rode shot-gun.

Once past the clogs at Pickering & Oshawa, was clear sailing. Hot, sunny, cranking the tunes, catching up on girl-talk, reading the paper, putting the feet up on the dashboard and winking at truckers. Not forgetting to get receipts at Tim Hortons, though...

Wondered who'd win in a roadside cage-match. The Colborne Big Apple or these guys. Got a craving for fruit salad.

Stopped for dinner in Brockville. Was introduced to the joys of Don's Fish and Chips. Wow. Excellent pictures if you click on the link. Big old bathtub full of fresh cut potato just waiting to be thrust into boiling oil. Henry Ford worthy production line ending up in a hand-twisted bag of fries & fish, then wrapped in two layers of last Friday's National Post and presented in a big bundle held together by butcher's tape. Kept the lap warm and cozy until we drove down to the water front and had our little picnic. Watched the sun set.

Piled back into the car and jumped out at the hotel. Waited in line to check in. I was relaxed, dressed casual, felt a little warmed by all the sun on my face during the drive. Digestion of the greasy fish making me happy and sleepy.

The guy checking in ahead of me was ragging on the front desk clerk over the signage in the parking lot. Her mouth said, "yes sir, that is inconvenient". But her eyes said "f**k off you arrogant sack of s**t who couldn't get a b*** j** if you whipped out your gold covered d*** in a w****h**** full of hungry R**************s".

He moaned about not needing this kind of hassle after 4 hours of travel and snapped at her when she asked for an updated mailing address. As Sheena stepped up to check-in, the girl says "normally I'd ask how you are, but now I'm afraid to hear the answer". I smiled, said "I'm great... I was just on the road for 4 hours...."


At 12:21 PM, Blogger Leatherhands said...

Holy shit, I know that guy. I see him everywhere. He has a super-clips hair cut parted in the middle, a donut crumb-filled moustache (chicks love those), short chubby hairy fingers that are dough-soft from not doing any manual labour for two decades, and to complete the look....a golf shirt (with company logo) pulled spandex tight at the front by his massive belly, all encased by a $150.00 suit.
This guy also refers to inanimate objects such as brochures, cell-phones etc. as "sexy." I know him well.
Poor, hardworking, traveling hero. Those hotel peons are here to serve, dammit!

At 1:31 PM, Blogger Sheena said...

I believe it is called "American guy hair" and I have been able to identify several sub-species depending on whether its usual habitat is a Holiday Inn Express or Comfort Inn Suites.

At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am so going to the place, sheena. but notice how assholism rarely makes the front pages and yet we deal with it more'n any other disease.

At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yabbut that "that american guy hair" guy could also be your guardian angel next time a bad man sticks ya up.


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